What it means to be a parent is a timeless, yet ever-changing concept; every generation brings new insights, traditions, culture, and values. Parenthood can begin before pregnancy and becomes a lifelong endeavour—once a parent, you never stop being one. Parents want the best for their children, for them to be healthy, thrive, and be safe and secure, but they are also people with dreams, ambitions, and lives of their own. Finding a balance between a parent’s own needs and their children’s can be a life-long challenge. But you are not alone. Let’s take a look at some common challenges that new parents face while working towards optimal family wellness.
SLEEP
Sleep is the foundation of our health and mental well-being. It’s a time of recovery and regeneration; however, in the first months to years of parenthood, you are likely to experience sleep deprivation. As adults, we sleep and wake based on an “internal clock” governed by our circadian rhythm (sometimes referred to as your “sleep-wake cycle”). In a normal circadian rhythm, melatonin is released at night to help us sleep, and cortisol in the morning to help us stay awake. But babies are born without a circadian rhythm, which is why their sleep patterns can be so different than ours. Baby brains lack the maturity to stay asleep, or awake for that matter, for long periods for the first couple of months of life. As adults, it’s often a challenge to adjust to your child’s sleeping schedule. This lack of sleep can cause you to feel physically exhausted, put you in a poor mood, disrupt your immune function, and more.6 Here are a few tips that can help you get better sleep:
- Encourage wakefulness during the day: You can do this by making sure your baby is exposed to sunlight during the day, even while they’re sleeping. While it might seem counterintuitive, you should also speak at normal volume and continue daily tasks when your baby is sleeping during the daytime. This will help them understand that this is an active time of day.
- Encourage sleep during the night: You can help increase your baby’s melatonin levels at night and encourage the development of their sleep-wake cycle by keeping rooms dark and avoiding screens and bright lights. This is the time when you should try to speak in hushed tones and avoid doing “daytime tasks.”
- Building a routine: Building a consistent daily routine is a great way to encourage sleep, but that’s easier said than done. A good place to start is committing to a consistent bedtime, as it’s associated with better sleep outcomes, reduced night wakings, and increased sleep duration. Next, decide on what calming activities precede bedtime (e.g., a bath, reading a story, etc.) and attempt to follow them in the same order and length of time as possible every day.
HEIGHTENED EMOTIONS
The first years of life are filled with new and often overwhelming experiences, which can prompt strong emotions in children. As a parent, it can be challenging to experience the rollercoaster of emotions coming from your children, family, friends, new societal expectations, and yourself.
Emotional regulation is the ability to return to a balanced state of being after or while experiencing a heightened state of emotions; parents can teach their children emotional regulation by modelling how they deal with emotions during these heightened situations. Emotional regulation is a learned skill that both children and adults can have difficulty mastering. Here are some tips for promoting emotional regulation:
- Remember that happiness is not the goal: While the crying and screaming of children can be difficult to hear, it’s important to remember that it’s their main method of communication until their speech is fully developed. Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist and a mother of three, explains that it’s not a parent’s responsibility to keep their children constantly happy and that asking them to stop crying can be psychologically damaging. Instead, acknowledging, exploring, and verbally expressing emotions with a child teaches them to recognize what their emotions are, name them, and understand them; ultimately, this brings them back to a balanced state of emotion.
- Use physical touch: It has been shown that embracing or holding babies and toddlers acts as a stress buffer and body temperature regulator. It also promotes a transition from a sympathetic (fight-or-flight) state to a parasympathetic (rest and digest) state. The parasympathetic state promotes proper digestion, immune function, and restorative processes. As children grow and become independent, they may express that they do not want to be touched or held. While this can be a challenge for some parents, it’s a great opportunity to respect boundaries and teach them that they have the final say over their bodies. When physical touch is not an option to promote emotional regulation, supportive and compassionate words can be used, such as, “I see you are having big feelings, and I am here for you if you want to tell me what you feel, or need a hug to feel better.”
- Be present: With so many responsibilities and distractions in the modern world, it can be very difficult to be present and in the moment with your kids. Studies show that the connection between parent and child comprises moments of reciprocal interactions that require the parent to be present and responsive to the child in real-time. Sensitive and responsive parenting during infancy allows for the development of mutual trust and secure attachment. A parent who makes eye contact when talking to their child and responds to their cues in the moment encourages an alert and responsive child. The first few years in a child’s life is the time that the task of parenting is at its most demanding, requiring the highest level of parental interaction that plants seeds toward the child’s capacity for emotional regulation in the future.
Being a new parent comes with endless challenges. It may feel isolating, lonely, or overwhelming, but it’s also filled with moments of pure joy, pride, and immense growth. Good parenting does not mean being perfect and will look different in every household. Doing our best for our children, while taking care of ourselves physically and emotionally, gives our kids a great example of self-care and self-love that ultimately feeds overall family wellness.
