In 2008, newspaper columnist Lenore Skenazy let her nine-year-old son take the New York subway home, alone. After publishing the event in the paper, the media was soon in a frenzy over the woman dubbed “America’s Worst Mom.” Skenazy’s son was given extreme independence, the potential to fail, and was free of his mother’s complete control. The common thread between “America’s Worst Mom” and parents of highly successful children is a term called risky play.
What is Risky Play?
Risky play describes activities of great speed, dangerous tools, heights, a capacity to get hurt (rough-and-tumble), and a perceived risk of a child disappearing or getting lost—in other words, play that is designed to challenge the comfort levels of both child and parent. It can sound scary to allow a child that level of independence and take the risk of them getting hurt. But independent play can be good! Play isn’t truly play unless we have control over the game or activity. According to Peter Gray, a psychology scholar and research professor, the evolutionary purpose of play is to allow children to “practice controlling their own behaviour, solving their own problems, planning, and carrying out a plan.” Without adult supervision, kids must invent games on their own, allowing them to develop their creativity, negotiation skills, and problem-solving skills, which are all valuable traits they’ll need later in life.
What are the Benefits of Risky Play?
Risky play seems, well, risky! You might think that children shouldn’t engage in this type of play at all, but studies suggest otherwise. For instance, The University of British Columbia found it helps foster social skills, creativity, and resilience in children. Letting your kids engage in risky play can also teach them their limits. A 2011 study by Ellen Sandseter, a professor at Queen Maud University College of Early Childhood Education in Norway, found a link between risky play and the management of fears later in life. Here’s what she found:
- Children who climb have a decreased fear of heights later on.
- Those who engaged in more rough-and-tumble play were less likely to be aggressive as adults.
- Increased positive separation from parents before the age of nine led to less separation anxiety symptoms later in life.
Letting your child take risks gives them the confidence to trust themselves and their abilities.
Learning Through Exploration
When adult supervision is necessary for a child to go outside, they go out less and, as a result, have fewer social interactions and learning opportunities. Constant supervision and direction deprive children of learning through exploration. As time spent outside fell over the last 50 years, mental conditions and feelings of anxiety, depression, helplessness, and narcissism rose in teens. Nature deficit disorder, a term coined by journalist Richard Louv, describes a disconnect from the natural world. This disconnect can lead to:
- diminished use of the senses
- increased crime rates
- increased attention difficulties
- increased physical and emotional problems
What do we expect future generations to look like when the average child today gets less than an hour of outdoor activity per week?
Some say having children is like wearing your heart on the outside of your body. It’s completely understandable to want to shield your child from the dangers of the world. But shielding children from risky activities to keep them safe can have the opposite effect. When children are banned from access to fire, matches, knives, tools, and traffic, they are deprived of the opportunity to learn how to interact with them safely. Children are naturally curious; often, they’ll explore these things in secret and get hurt since they were never safely exposed to them in the first place. For example, instead of forbidding your children to use knives, you could include your child in meal prep by chopping fruits and vegetables and teaching them to use a kid-friendly knife with a blunt tip.
Risk Compensation Theory
The risk compensation theory can help explain why shielding your kids from risky activities may not be the best for them. As humans, we change our behaviour according to our perceived risk level, which means we’ll take more risks if we feel something is safer. Unfortunately, this can lead to more harm. An example of this can be seen in the transformation of playgrounds in North America. To prevent injuries, playgrounds have been made “safer” using plastic toy structures, modest heights, and soft surfaces; however, compared to the European Union, which has not changed its play structures, playground injury rates are far higher in North America. According to the risk compensation theory, this phenomenon is not despite the risky equipment, but because of it. In other words, children will be more careful in playgrounds that feel dangerous and will create risks in playgrounds that feel too safe.
Risky Play in Early Childhood
Once upon a time, children played with neighbourhood kids in the park, walked to school alone, and biked around town delivering newspapers for a little extra cash. But the world looks a little different now. These simple activities are no longer considered acceptable pastimes for kids. So, what changed? In 1969, close to 50 percent of kindergarteners through eighth graders in North America walked or cycled to school. By 2009, that number dropped to about 10 percent. The decrease in these independent activities may be attributed to several things: exaggerated fears of child abduction, and liability concerns.
Child abduction is horrifying and any measures taken by parents to prevent it from occurring to their child would be considered justified. In 2021, out of the six million children in Canada, 18 were kidnapped by a stranger. To put that into perspective, children are 800 times more likely to be seriously injured in a car crash. These numbers may provide comfort by shedding some light on how rare this heinous crime is.
Even with new safety measures in place on school playgrounds, recess has been impacted. Today, 40 percent of North American schools have gotten rid of recess altogether. Half of all principals have been threatened with a lawsuit, and one in five spend five to ten hours per week actively avoiding litigation by writing reports and having meetings.1 When courts rule in favour of the child, institutions learn a million-dollar lesson: Children playing is a costly risk, and extreme measures are needed to prevent these crushing litigations from happening again. Unfortunately, this comes at the cost of a priceless component of childhood development.
“Fear doesn't prevent death, it prevents life.”
It’s important as a parent to let your children take risks. But how can you allow your child to take risks without endangering them? Equip them with skills and tools to handle themselves with confidence in different situations, like safely using a knife when needed or crossing the street. Allow them the freedom to explore their limitations, teach them how to self-manage, help them understand the reasons for the necessary rules—then let them play and watch their creativity and problem-solving skills soar.